Rhus Toxicodendron
by Inexplicably Kyprioth
Summary: Duo finds an entirely new and wonderfully shiny aspect of Earth and shows it to all the other pilots.


Quatre, gundam pilot, empath, and heir to Winner Enterprises, was washing dishes. It was singularly unjust, but someone had to; and when Trowa was at the circus, and Duo was off... somewhere... that left him, since Wufei refused to do "women's work" and Heero only grunted when Quatre asked him. So Quatre was washing dishes.

The door slammed. Only Duo slammed doors. Quatre grinned mirthlessly, tired of washing dishes. At last, fresh labor had arrived, all unwitting.

But Duo spoke first. "Look, Quat, shinies!"

Quatre didn't turn around. "Duo, you work with shinies." He reminded 02, resorting to Duo-talk. "You spend all day using a really big shiny to make big booms, or else putting little shinies into the big shiny so it can make its big booms."

"Yeah, I suppose Deathscythe is a shiny." Duo agreed skeptically. "He's kinda flat-colored, though, you know? Just white and black. But these shinies grow, Quat! Earth grows shinies, natural and everything! Look!" Duo shoved a bundle of leaves under Quatre's face, practically up his nose. The soft leaves gently brushed Quatre's cheeks and chin. Quatre might have liked it if he weren't grumpy after what felt like hours of washing dishes _by himself_. "I picked a bouquet of them." He explained.

Quatre shoved it away. "Duo, I'm busy. Go show Heero. Or something."

"Come with me. It's not like you _like _washing dishes." Duo pointed out, wanting someone to hide behind when he provoked Heero's wrath.

"No." Quatre told him firmly. Duo pouted.

"Fine. I will show him. That'll teach you." He muttered as he stalked out.

"Look, Heero! Shinies grow on Earth!"

Heero grunted from his perch on his gundam. Duo crossed the floor and climbed up... whichever gundam Heero was on now. Duo could never keep track; Heero seemed to have a new one every day.

Heero looked up in alarm as Duo descended. "Duo, get that _out _of my gears. You'll clog them."

"But they're shiny!" Duo protested, moving them to Heero's face. Heero batted them away irritably.

"Duo! Scat!" He snapped. Duo hit him with the leaves.

"Admire the shinies" He ordered, belaboring Heero. "Admire! Admire!"

Heero grabbed the bundle from Duo angrily. "Fetch." He commanded, dropping the leaves over the side of his gundam.

"Aww, Hee-chan, you're no fun." Duo pouted. Heero glared at him. Duo retreated to fetch his leaves. "They're all ratty now, Hee-chan!" He whined as he left the room. Heero grunted happily.

Duo took time to leave the ruined leaves by Heero's bed so he could appreciate them properly before fetching new ones to show Wufei.

"Wu-ffers." Duo called down the hall. Wufei gritted his teeth. "Waffles!" The door opened. "Look, Waffles, shinies!"

"Duo, I am trying to work. And my _name _is Wufei. _Wu-fei_."

"Look at the shinies, Waffles! Aren't they pretty?" Duo shoved his bouquet between Wufei and his beloved computer screen.

"Mm." Wufei grunted.

"That's Heero's line. Look at them!" Wufei had his eyes obstinately shut.

"Yes, Duo, they're beautiful. Let me work."

"You haven't even opened your eyes!" Duo objected, shoving them closer to Wufei. "They're shiny, and silky, and soft... feel!"

Wufei batted at the leaves that assaulted his chest. Duo dodged his hand and kept tickling. "Feel the shinies, Wuffers!"

Wufei grabbed the bouquet, which Duo had cunningly rubber banded together this time, and threw it in the air. He kicked it out the door. "My name is Wu_fei_, Maxwell." He informed Deathscythe's pilot. "Leave."

"Nobody appreciates the shinies." Duo muttered dejectedly as he went to fetch them. As he picked them up, he heard the door close discreetly behind someone and raced towards it. "Trowa's home!"

"Poor Trowa." Wufei muttered.

"Trowa! Trowa! Look at the shinies!" Duo squealed, crashing into him. He rolled to the floor and almost crushed his precious leaves, then looked up at Trowa and scampered away. "Yick, yick, yick. You're still all... all _clowny_."

"Mm." Trowa commented. Duo decided he'd have to brave the clown to show Trowa his treasure.

"Look, Trowa." He commented, edging forward with the bouquet extended as far from him as possible, so Trowa could see without Duo's having to go too close to the... clowniness. "Shinies. I found them growing. In the dirt."

"Really? In the dirt?" Trowa commented sarcastically. "Odd, since they're _plants_."

"But they're shiny plants!" Duo objected. "See?" The plants were right up in Trowa's face now.

"Yes, I do see." Trowa agreed. "Plants. Sorry, Duo, I'm not a gardener. That's more like Quatre."

"Quatre didn't like 'em either. Everyone tried to shoo me away. Smell!" Duo suggested. Trowa, figuring this might be the easiest way to get rid of him since apparently shooing didn't work, sniffed.

"Smells like plant." He commented. Duo nodded hyperly.

"Exactly! Just like plant. And it's shiny!"

"Right. Er – Duo – why don't you just go, um, put it in a vase? And we'll put it on the table for everyone to see." Trowa suggested.

Duo's face fell. "I dunno how."

"Right." Trowa took a deep breath and accepted the plants. The sooner he did this, the sooner it was over. "Come on." The plant was properly installed on a central table.

The next morning, all the pilots woke up in _the worst_ mood. They felt horrible. Itchy. Pretty much all over. Even Quatre felt grouchy, and slumped down to breakfast, which no one had made, which had everyone yelling at each other.

"I'm injured!" Duo squealed eventually, spotting his hands. "Look!" He spread them out in front of him. They were covered in a raw red rash.

"Me too." Trowa was pale as he displayed his likewise rashy hands. He pulled up his sleeve, showing the extending, blistery dotted rash.

"There's a spot on your nose." Duo added helpfully.

Quatre looked down at his hand, and discovered another rash. Wufei had it all over his arms, his hands, on his chest – even, he noticed, looking down because it itched worse when he walked, on his feet. Heero discovered his share on his arms, head, chest, a hand; all of them had it on some area of their face.

"We've been poisoned." Heero concluded. They quickly, worriedly called the doctor, wondering how long they had to live.

"And it was all going so well, too!" Duo lamented. "The booms – the war in general! And I'd just discovered how truly wonderful the earth is..." He looked sadly out the window, twitching his braid over his shoulder – and screamed.

"What is it?" Quatre asked sharply. Duo, speechless, held his braid out across his hands.

"It _itches_." Duo whispered, horrified at the rash present there. "Like my hands."

"Don't scratch." Heero ordered sharply. "The poison will probably be invigorated by that and spread more quickly."

The doctor was puzzled when he got there. He could deduce no cause. Heero suspected the food, but upon examination, that was not the cause. Nor was the water. (Both of these were unlikely, since Heero had been periodically checking the water, and went through every speck of food for such a poision) Nor, it seemed, was _anything_.

They met for a council at the table, the five pilots and the Outsider doctor.

"Duo, could you move your flowers?" Quatre asked from down the table, after a pause in the conversation left them all glumly worrying. "I can't see."

The doctor perked up. "Wait – no. That's _it!_" He stood and maneuvered around the table as the pilots exchanged looks. "Miraculous... _toxicodendron radicus_ – I thought it was extinct!"

"Toxic-a-what?" Duo asked.

"Toxicodendron radicus." Heero supplied. "What is it?"

"Commonly known as poison ivy. It's a native of North America." The doctor explained. "The oil on its leaves causes an allergic reaction – very few people are immune. It was exterminated, or so we believed, before the colonies were founded."

Four pilots rounded on Duo. "You." They hissed. "You knew this would happen."

"I did not!" Duo protested. "It was shiny. Anyway, if I knew it would happen, would I have touched it? And it's all over! It's even in my braid. My poor, poor braid!"

"It's in your _braid?_" The doctor asked, ignored.

"Of course you knew! You're an American!"

"But it was wiped out centuries ago! And I was raised in a colony. How should I know?" He turned to the doctor for help. "What do we do now? Are we dead?"

"Hardly." The doctor chuckled. "The natural remedy is a plant commonly called 'jewel weed,' but after poison ivy was eradicated, settlers found no need for such a plant and it was destroyed as well to make room for more useful crops. A few man-made ointments remain, mostly as relics of the past, but they're purely to relieve the itching. You'll just have to wait it out – a few weeks."

"A few weeks." Wufei repeated flatly. Duo got the feeling he had _better _not call him anything but Wufei any time in the near future. Assuming he survived that long.

"I think I'll go work on Deathscythe." He squeaked, edging out of the room with all glares upon him.

"Not so in to shinies now, are you, Duo?" Quatre asked venemously. Duo _so _owed him _weeks _of dish washing.


End file.
